If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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