the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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