I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
