girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
