We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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