the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
