i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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