be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
