We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
