Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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