it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
