i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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