I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
