You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
