John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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