They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
