I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
