the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
