ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize