He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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