you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
