Me. At least after what I've been through.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
