I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
