Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
