bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
