Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
