True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize