i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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