My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
