I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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