If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
