im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
