Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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