I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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