dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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