I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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