I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize