wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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