my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
