Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
