The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
