I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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