also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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