Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
