every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
