Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
