he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
