If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
