Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
