When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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