I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
