Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
