just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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