I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
