He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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