Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
