someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
