Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
