I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
