Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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