Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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