Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
