Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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