Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
