I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
