I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
