Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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