the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
