Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
