God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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