there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
