If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
